Is it just me or was this a snoozefest of a semi? I was bored out of my skull at times. Is the Eurovision fever fading? Help me!
The best part of this semi, by far? The interval! Dima Bilan, looking as high as a kite and "freestyling" his crappy song! Marija Serifovic, who did not make the transition from baby dyke to... slightly more butch woman with much grace! Lena Did She have a Surname, If So I forgot! Alexandr Rybak finally looking older than 16! And two Azeris I couldn't name if my life depended on it. I'm pretty sure one was a presenter, but that's as far as my knowledge goes. The whole thing had a fabulously camp Soundmix Show feel to it. All that was missing was one of the monsters from Lordi and we'd have been all set. Loved it, loved it!
The rest of the show however...
We spotted a few new trends though, and far be it from me to keep them from you:
- the 70s porn moustache is back. I don't know why and I don't agree with it, but it was there.
- Black is the new white. Gone are the days when the performers dressed in white to "stand out". They've now figured out if everyone does that, no-one really stands out, so they've all opted for black. Every single one of them. Oops. (Well, apart from Dima Bilan who showed he's a few years behind Eurovisionfashion-wise. Heads will roll in Moscow!)
- Is pyro the new wind machine? Think about it....
Now who do we say goodbye to after tonight?The Netherlands: Oh, Joan with your headdress and your band of jolly gay musicians. I thought this came across rather well and I'd have liked to see you go through. The song wasn't as bad as a lot of the other crap in this semi. You looked high as a kite (on Heineken?) and it would have been entertaining for the fire hazard alone: so many flames near so many feathers... I'll bet the Azeri fire department have three trucks standing by the arena just in case. Alas, it was not to be.
Belarus: they were the weeners, and always will be in my book. There's something to be said about people trying to score "straight points" in an outfit that looks like it was stolen from a gay dungeon. Kudos to the guys in metal class who made the microphone stands. Very erm... interesting.
Portugal: somehow I always end up having a soft spot for you, despite the bad, bad styling. You're not the only victim of it tonight though. Is something going on? Are stylists in Europe collectively on strike?
Bulgaria: who brought us some seriously scary 80s music. Now she doesn't need anyone with her on stage, she'll just do it on her own. "It sounded better without the singing" someone remarks. Judging by her belt, Sofi is a renowned boxing champion, so I'd be careful what I say.
Slovenia: it's now obvious. Everyone in the Balkan hates you. And you totally won me over with that performance, for some reason. Suddenly I thought the song was actually rather good. Could it be the Molitva-connection? Perhaps you got left out because you dressed in white and everyone thought you were so behind the fashion? Maybe it was the flowers on your dress?
Croatia: dressed in rumpled bin bags with backing dancers dressed as blacksmiths. I don't see how this didn't get through. Can't for the life of me remember the song, but come on people! Bin bags! Blacksmiths!
Georgia with the bad dye job. If you dye your hair, at least dye your beard as well. Otherwise it's just slacking. The candidate from Montenegro left his cape behind Tuesday and Georgia thought "ooh, we can use that". I must agree that the song was infinitely better when he was still wearing the cape. That's still not saying much, but at least he peroxide didn't blind me then. Backing singers in corsets and something that looks like a cheap magician's act. I reckon it'll be a while before Georgia sends another male candidate.
Slovakia: Straight points galore, apart from the sale on eyeliner and the Farrah Fawcett hairdo. At least it stood out. Rock on, Slovakia.
And who got through (some of them bafflingly):
- Serbia: Zeljko. Enough said.
- Fyr Macedonia: Que? They had a bloody guitar solo! Are you mad?
- Malta: "Let's have pyro AND a wind machine AND dry ice AND do something with our feet". And it worked! Seriously, Baku, I hope you have another batch of firemen ready for Saturday.
- Ukraine: Hey! I know that song! Don't I know that song? I'm sure I've heard it before. Yes, we have. Millions of times. That, and Norway. "It's the thing with the powertools, remember?"
- Sweden: yeah baby!
- Turkey "Ride me like I like you?" erm... I probably misheard. Rock the boat, batmen!
- Estonia: again I must say "que", but then I don't fancy men, I think that might be it.
- Bosnia & Herzegovina which might have become interesting if part of the decor had fallen over. As for now: meh meh and meh. Boring.
- Lithuania: for god's sake, keep the blindfold on if You're Making A Point. And someone turn him so he stands with his back to the audience. Ha!
I wonder what Saturday will bring. Hopefully new postcards!