UK: Engelbert Humperdinck – Love will set you free.

You know, I’ve heard a lot about Engelbert (what a name) but I don’t think I could name a single song of his. Thankfully there are still some things I am too young for. But that’s something I’ll never again be able to say after this year’s song contest. Despite the lack of Bombastic Red Army, this is not bad at all. I’m pretty sure we won’t be getting a clothes change (I should hope not), Engelbert will probably not be dressed in leather or do energetic backflips and I doubt he’ll be showing off his biceps. But this should definitely, definitely be top ten. And I’m always up for a trip to London.



France: Anggun – Echo (You and I)

An English song title, France? My, how the times are changes. Next Spain will be sending in a song that doesn’t have “conmigo” in the title... oh hang on... no, the times aren’t changing all that much after all. If you’re a fan of strange videoclips featuring men in ugly underwear and a woman in a corset, I’d suggest you check this out. But I wouldn’t really bother turning up the music. Though, who knows, it might grow on me.



Italy: Nina Zilli – L’Amore E Femmina

Maybe I have a thing for Italian ladies, but I love this song. Love it! Ms Zilli comes across as a woman who takes no crap from anyone, so I don’t dare say anything horrible. I wouldn’t want to be at the receiving end of her wrath. But this song... yeah baby!



Azerbaijan: Sabina Babayeva – When the Music dies

Well, Sabina, when the music dies, we all go home. There would be no song contest (well, we could do something with pyro and a wind machine but without music I suppose), no Azeris would have been kicked out of their homes to build a new stadium, a lot of money would have gone to other stuff (probably just in rich people’s pockets, so don’t worry about it) and I would be doing something sensible with my time instead of writing this blog. Moreover I’d have the three minutes of my life back I now spent listening to a faux-American boring ballad. So it’s not all doom and gloom, is it.



Spain: Pastora Soler – Quedate Conmigo

Dear god, I hope some uptempo songs come through from the semis or this will be one big snoozefest. I’m sorry. I’m sure it’s all very good and very ... whatever. I’d just rather something I can dance to. Well I suppose it’s better for the baby if I don’t try to do anything like that, so maybe it’s all for the good.




Germany: Roman Lob – Standing Still

Well. At least he’s very nice to look at. But after 41 songs, I’m sorry Roman, this doesn’t do anything for me anymore. Excuse me while I put some Pet Shop Boys on before I succumb to a bout of melancholia.

Serbia: Zeljko Joksimovic – Nije Ljubav Stvar

Oooh Zeljko, welcome back! It feels like you take part every year, and in a way you do. But there’s nothing like the real Zeljko: He Of The Dramatic Stroll Onstage. Now I’ll be honest, when I first heard this, it was the English version and I hated it. The lyrics were completely ridiculous. The good thing about singing in Serbian is that the lyrics might be just as ridiculous now, but I wouldn’t know. It sounds fantastic. I’m a fan. Obviously. It’s Zeljko!




FYR Macedonia: Kaliopi – Cmo I belo

No country has suffered more from the reinstatement of the juries than FYR Macedonia. Used to be they could send a farting sheep (and often times I hoped they had instead of the drivel they did send) and still get into the final. Not so anymore. So they’ve gone the “intense” route this year. Unfortunately I can’t say I’m convinced. I get the feeling this will be horribly off key, which should provide us with some entertainment at least. Meh.




The Netherlands: Joan Franka – You and Me.

It’s “you and I”. Thank you. But never mind. If you actually listen to this song, which I know is very hard, because after all, there’s a very white Dutch woman –not a drop of Native American blood in her veins- wearing a headdress and playing a guitar looking entirely too cheerful about it. And then we haven’t mentioned the backing “dancers” who manage to look even more ridiculous. Quite an accomplishment! But if you listen, if you close your eyes and really really listen, then I think this song isn’t so bad at all.



Malta: Kurt Calleja – This is the night

Ooh, just the title reminds me of good old Sakis Rouvas, which is always enough to get me in a good mood. And while the start (stomping disco beat, yeah baby!) is promising, the rest of the song unfortunately sinks away to nothing. Kurt doesn’t even have the sense to take his shirt off in the videoclip. I mean, honestly... you expect to get votes on the merits of the song? How naive.






Belarus: Litesound – We are the heroes

What, no “We really really love Belarus, in case you didn’t know already”? How disappointing! Hee hee... They sing “we are the weeners”. Ahem. I’m sorry. It’s funny. And the outfits, oh my. I fear that –through some inexplicable plot of the west against the great country of Belarus- this will be the first and only time we’ll see and hear “we are the heroes”. So make the most of it, Europe.



Portugal: Filipa Sousa – Vida Minha

Now this on the other hand, if they leave the distracting dancers at home, this I like. It’s like a proper song and everything. With singing. No Senhora Do Mar, but not bad either. Go Portugal!



Ukraine: Gaitana – Be My Guest

Oh right, wasn’t there a mini riot a while back because some idiot politician had said that Gaitana couldn’t represent the Ukraine since she was black? Ha. The only reason he should have protested was the strange getup they put her backing dancers in, what is *that* all about? On a first listen the song doesn’t blow me away, but I have every confidence in the Ukrainian Eurovision Machine will pull a great stage act out of the hat and make this a (very gay) fan favourite.



Bulgaria: Sofi Marinova – Love Unlimited

I’m confused. There’s a dance beat, but no-one’s dancing. What’s that all about? I get the vague impression of something multilingual going on, but I can’t be 100% sure and after the Ukraine this will probably disappear into thin air. Well, unless the Bulgarian Eurovision Machine get their act together of course.



Slovenia: Eva Boto – Verjamem

Dear god, there’s something on her head! And... and... the outfits... Oh no. It’s well known I usually have a weak spot for Slovenia, but this time... No. I don’t get it. It all looks pretty intense, but then why do her backing singers have rolls of toilet paper stacked on their heads? Maybe this will bedazzle me on the night, who knows, but I doubt it.



Croatia: Nina Badric – Nebo

Oh lord with her and Zeljko in one semi I’ll be spoilt for choice. And I’m not even able to vote in this semi. How cruel. You can say what you want about former yugoslavia, but they know how to write and perform a Dramatic Balkan Ballad. And on a completely superficial note: she is bloody gorgeous. Now I’m not sure about the song getting more and more uptempo towards the end, but I’m sold already, so I’m sure it doesn’t matter all that much.



Sweden: Loreen – Euphoria

Oooh, just the way the Swedish guy says “Loreen”, doesn’t it make your heart beat just that tiny bit faster? No? Just me then? I really need to get over this thing I have about languages and accents. But that’s part of what makes Eurovision so much fun. Ok, never mind. Loreen is on a roll with the wind machine set to Carola-Tornado and a nineties beat we haven’t heard since ... the nineties probably. I love the whole craziness of it, including the snow storm at the end, and I hope this does fabulously. Listen up, slutty girls from semi one, this is what a dance song can also sound like. And you can even keep your clothes on!



Georgia: Anri Jokhadze – I’m a joker

Yes, well, you’re not funny. However you do manage to combine about seventy different styles of music, in the hope that something decent comes out. It doesn’t. Three minutes can really take a long time to be over.



Turkey: Can Bonomo – Love me back

What happened to the rock bands and the bellydancing girls, Turkey? Not that I’m complaining. Or well, I wasn’t, until about 15 seconds in the song when I found myself thinking “where the hell is this leading to”. I’m afraid the answer is “nowhere”. And what is all this about you being a sailor? You look as much like sailor like Milan Stankovic resembles a builder.






Estonia: Ott Lepland – Kuula

Meh. Now if this was in Serbian I might have loved it, I might just be superficial like that (or my ears might be), but this has me turning towards the “skip forward” button. I don’t doubt that I might be the only one in Europe and the rest of us will be dabbing their eyes with their hankies by the last “kuula” though, so don’t despair Ott (now there’s a name if it’s a boy... who knows). I guess for me there’s just not enough of a “Bombastic Red Army” vibe going on.



Slovakia: Max Jason Mai – Don’t close your eyes

I guess I can be sure the Slovakians will shake me awake after Estonia. The contrast couldn’t be bigger. You might actually go somewhere, Max, if you wear something sleeveless and promise not to do that thing with your tongue. I feel like I’m 16 again and at war with the world.



Norway: Tooji – Stay

Hang on, I’ve heard this somewhere before. No? Just me? But yay for our first slutty boy of the evening, took us long enough! Provided he brings the right backing dancers (because we’re very superficial like that, yes) this could be a huge hit at our house. Hey, perhaps you could do something with a glass box? Or a giant stapler? Something threatening with leather? I’m sure you’ll think of something! So nice of Norway to make sure we have something similar to “I’ll get you wet, I’m popular” this year!




Bosnia & Herzegovina: Maya Sar – Korake Ti Znam

Hmz. And the difference between my lacklustre response now compared to Zeljko? Just like with Estonia: not enough Bombastic Red Army, too much regular ballad. Meh.



Lithuania: Donny Montell – Love is blind

Oh good god, he’s Making A Point by wearing a blindfold. I suppose it’s less offensive than grabbing some sunglasses and a white stick. And just when you think you’ll get to refilling the glasses a bit sooner so you don’t miss any of the interval, in comes a dancebeat and... yeah, I think I’ll just get started on the glasses after all.

Well, yes. Because it's been rather quiet here.
I might not say much, but I'm still reading. And when I do say something, like now, I like to make a big impact. Like now.
I'm pregnant!
Little Vladi (working title, people, we're not actually going to name the poor creature Vladi) is due in July. Don't dare pinpoint a date, because it'll probably be another C-section. But we're all pretty excited. Well, all of us, except Bas, who hasn't got a clue what's in store for him, the poor little lad.

To celebrate, and in honour of "dinos" all around: some Eurovision!

Wishing you a brilliant day and lots of happiness!

For your present, click here

It's been a while hasn't it. I seem to have nothing interesting to say anymore, unless I can say it in 140 characters or less. ( But today I thought...  )